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Sometimes I feel awkward
And no one cares how I feel No one cares if I’m awkward And that’s how I feel Sometimes I feel inadequate And no one cares how I feel No one cares if I’m inadequate And that’s how I feel Sometimes I feel insignificant And no one cares how I feel No one cares if I’m insignificant And that’s how I feel Sometimes I care how no one feels Sometimes no one feels that I care Sometimes I feel that no one cares Sometimes no one cares that I feel @sabaitide
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With all positive affirmations put aside
I think there’s something weird with me I should bottle my weirdness up inside And just save all this weird for therapy Maybe I shouldn’t express myself ‘Cause now you all know I’m weird Weirder than how weird I thought I was Now on the spectrum I’m way too weird I’m so sorry if you have been affected By the weirdness of my mental health This is the most weird that I’ve ever been And should probably keep this to myself @sabaitide This is a friendly reminder that I can’t read your mind
And that’s better said alive than from the other side I don’t know how many folks I’ve made laugh or cry And I don’t know who you are or how you feel inside It would’ve been a shame if I didn’t have courage to write If I remained too shy to express myself or open my mind But to be candid, I’ve had a strange feeling for quite a while ‘Cause it’s been ominously quiet on my social media profile I shouldn’t measure my worth by the amount of likes Or views or comments or followers or the online hype My notes are underwhelming and it's got me wondering What’s the point of it ‘cause the illusion’s lost meaning Am I actually censored or am I shadow banned? A first world problem, but what’s up with that? Maybe no one cares and I’m overthinking it ‘cause I’m Not like the popular girls who have too much influence If I never said anything and something bad happened to me They all would’ve had too much fun rewriting my own story So sad this girl didn’t know she was loved before she died Too bad no one actually talked to her to ever explain why I jumped right to the end where they all talk about my life But still don’t care ‘cause it’d be written off as a suicide I don’t even want to think like that but whatever happens Life is short and they’ll make it about my vaccine status But not being popular isn’t a reason to hurt yourself Although I admit, it could wreck your mental health I don’t write for attention or social media incentives Even if you are real they won’t get what the point is The status quo doesn’t have to be the status quo I can free myself when I choose to be myself So I won’t let them influence how I ought to be Because I am enough and I just want to be me @sabaitide Sound of waves crashing
But I’m crash landed Stranded on an island Gonna make it my land Taking back my mind and Gonna rewrite it ‘cause I Lost a few years when Expression was my fear Now it kinda feels weird To say how I used to feel In words that I can hear So that I can finally heal From the pain I concealed And forgot about until I appeared way over here On an island by myself Nothing went as planned Over back on main land Lost it all and got it back Not the same life that I had But I started over again No specific goal or plan I lost hope in what I can Achieve or accomplish When I ended right back Where all of this began Living with my parents Who can’t even pretend To be a little interested in My life unless it’s to tell Me to get a job with insurance Then back to silent treatment Imagine how hard it was To really express yourself Feeling stuck like this And can’t even admit The hurt from the years And can't pinpoint it yet Without words to say it ‘Cause if you bring it up You’ll just get shut down And if you deal with it Now it’s all your fault That’s how I felt for years Emotionally impaired How can I write or paint Or really grow in any way While maintaining face I was done feeling like this Hiding my emotions and Going through the motions I’m meant to do something much more than this Stuck here wanting to be Part of your world, I guess So one day I just left and I took a little swim Drifting on a whim Through my hopes and fears And emotions from the years Bottled up to find here Like hey, remember this? Oh, how could I forget? Well actually, I did for a bit SOS please send help @sabaitide Chorus
I’m on another wavelength Tides are always turning Get into the flowing, yeah ‘Cause I’m mind surfing My mind is surfing, yeah Verse I’m in the deep end ‘Cause my mind keeps drifting Away from all these alpha waves I’d rather be dreaming R-E-M thinking but I’m on a different wavelength A hallucination Don’t know what I’m seeing Or am I always this strange? Maybe my day dream Isn’t the real thing But I think I’m awake Chorus I’m on another wavelength Tides are always turning Get into the flowing, yeah ‘Cause I’m mind surfing My mind is surfing, yeah Verse Towards the horizon Is where I am going but I already fell off the edge Don’t know if I’m falling ‘Cause this sure ain’t flying But this is all in my head Is it my time yet? A recurring thought yet It’s a little melodramatic I’ve got my low tides About to get high tide Surfing the waves in my mind @sabaitide I’m laying low, aiming high
Burning slow, and getting by Let it go, again I’ll try I don’t know, enjoy the ride When did I become so shy To hide the special way I shine I guess it kinda hurt inside To not fit in and not know why But I can’t change the way I am To peer pressure for acceptance My center has gotta be within Not out there for my happiness @sabaitide I feel so alone but
I feel so watched And that’s unfair ‘Cause when I’m gone They’ll all say things About me that they Could have told me When I was here Feeling so alone On my freak show @sabaitide It don’t matter
What I think Or say or do What I like Or share or don’t I could post it But I won’t It don’t matter What I see Or I believe What I read Or I perceive If I can’t take it I can leave Well it don’t matter I don’t matter It don’t matter Anyway No matter what I do or don’t The world won’t Ever change I’m overwhelmed If you could tell me Exactly what to say To they, to WHO And maybe you That only you Can change and That’s what matters Yeah you matter In a world So big and small And all at once ‘Cause you baby Are like the world Wondering What it was And just because You missed the cut Don’t mean you’re Not enough No matter what You matter and We’ll figure This one out It don’t matter How much money Or how many That you have What matters is That you keep trying To do the best You can Beyond all our Attention spans Just wonder What it matters And what matters Is what’s happening And what will happen Shortly after While the stars Are all out up there Is something more Grand than there is And no matter How it happens You can make The most of it While the world turns Only time will tell The universe that We all feel As it unfolds Just break the mold From what you thought That you’d once known ‘Cause the grand Unfolding of the Universe Will be told in Social media posts And the story told In hashtag mode And other kinds Of digi codes Might not show What matters though Of what’s above And so below Don’t worry much About it though Even if you feel You don’t You matter and You’re not alone @sabaitide I’m lifted, gifted
Never gonna miss this Chance is tactics Playing without practice Questions, answers (“ances”) Is Pluto a planet? That’s just nonsense Or it’s what your mom says Now I’m still with it Checking off my wish list And I’m still lifted Axis slightly tilted Listen, learn it Not what you thought It was and it has Taken off, lifted @sabaitide |
SabaitideThe poetry collection from Sabaitide. Archives
November 2021
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