Hello and congratulations on finding my blog.
Many of you may know me as a classmate or co-worker or that person who made your coffee, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but if you are reading this, maybe you didn't know me as an artist. Chances are that you also probably clicked too far into my Instagram, saw my website, read my blog, and still won't follow me back like many others--but I guess by now I'm used to not feeling connected to others, especially through social media. I don't know why the other side of the screen is usually very silent, but my philosophy is to not judge my progress on likes and followers (because I honestly don't have very many), and I guess my real challenge with this is to not be afraid of expressing myself. That's just an irrational thought and not the reason why I logged back in.
I probably logged back in because I was bored, and I had a slight culture shock to checking my Instagram feed after years away. I was offline for a few years and during that period of time I really plained myself down and handled my anxiety off the internet. I went through a rough experience and was paranoid that someone would hurt me again, so I eventually grew fearful of expressing myself online and at all. I stopped checking the internet and I stopped painting while I finished my academic and work commitments. I guess I had plenty of time to do some soul searching and I grew more in my faith in a whirlwind of thoughts just to come back and remember that I used to like to paint. I don't have my life or art perfectly documented, but here are a few things I was able to keep intact. Ohmygoodness I forgot I made gifs.
On one hand I am a little anxious about being online again, and on the other, how am I ever going to communicate myself effectively if I remain ineffective in my communication because of an irrational fear? I can communicate more effectively through my art and writing than sharing partial song lyrics and plant memes like the millennial I am, so I created this webspace rather than to limit myself to my very unpopular Instagram account. I guess I don't have to explain myself or feel like I need to, but that's not what this blog is about. I guess I would like to share my growth through my art, talk about my creative process and inspirations, and then to share some of my thoughts on art and other topics like identity, perception, and culture. Right now, I am wrapping up a few more time commitments this upcoming month, but I would really like to catch up on some reading, writing, and painting in the year ahead. I feel as if my thoughts are shattered pieces and I am putting them back together like the gold of Kintsugi.